As most of you know, the majority of the last three years of my life have been just this side of hellacious and gut wrenching. I have spent the majority of it fighting for my life through two different cancers, trying to save my business so I had something to come back to, taking care of my employees, and trying to soothe my family’s concerns. All of which I have done willingly with positive attitude and fortitude.

Well now, the universe has significantly shifted. There are a ton of positive things going on. My family is doing ok. The finances are turning around. My business has survived. My daughters are getting to follow their dreams…and….I am healthy and aware enough to enjoy it! Heck even the Detroit Tigers and the Detroit Lions are winning!

There is not a day that goes by that I am not humble and super grateful for everything that is happenning and I am putting out the good mojo wherever I go. Still, there is this penetrating inner fear inside me that it may all disappear again. There is literally a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop, even though I have no indicators that it will. There is even a part of me that wonders if others are suffering in exchange for all the good luck that I seem to be getting.

Yes. I get it. Those are not healthy thoughts. Well thank goodness for the magic of an excellent astute therapist who gives it to me straight and helps me reset my ptsd thinking process. I tell here honestly about these kind of things and she looks at me and says ” Are you kidding me right now? You are wondering if you deserve these good things? You are wondering if other people are at risk of being hurt because good things are happening to you? I nod yes and then she smiles at me and goes on to tell me that the last time she checked, I have been working my ass off just to survive and help everyone else and try to save my finances and my business at the same time. I am definitely due for some good fortune. I have earned it in a way and I should not feel guilty for having it. I should just enjoy and go with the flow. It is not a logical way to think that others are potentially being punished at the expense of my good luck or positive things happening. Ok, I get it. Logically I know this but sometimes it is hard to relax and merely enjoy after all that has happened.

So, the bottom line of all of this is that I am going to keep up with the therapy. I am going to continue to work on my though process and continue to soak up the joy that I am experiencing right now and have great hope and not dread for the future. I want to be around for a long time more and fully embrace the positive turn of events. It will be ok.

Dr. Katz