I hear a lot of patients lately telling me that they are having pain with sex, but they feel obligated to continue because their husbands have needs. Umm. What???? You are in pain but you have to muscle through because he has needs? Mandatory suffering? What is this craziness?

Then, it gets somehow worse and I actually ask them if they have brought this up to their partners and most of the women actually say no. Or worse, they say they brought it up and got kind of brushed off and told they need to deal with it or their relationship is over or that their partner has no idea how to help them or doesn’t even want to try. Again, whaaaat?!

Ok, let’s refresh on what a relationship should be in the first place. A relationship should be a healthy, deep, emotional and complex bond between two individuals that encourages each of the persons to live their best and most fulfilled lives. It is not a one-sided show, or at least it shouldn’t be. Both parties should be invested in the other’s happiness, wellness, and future.

Well, on that note, we are going to launch forth into the discussion of pain with sex. It matters guys. You can think about it in an empathetic way or in a mutual beneficial way. The empathetic way would be to look at it as realizing your partner is having pain and want to help because you care about them. The mutually beneficial way would be to realize that it would actually benefit you both to seek treatment for your partner’s pain. Why you ask? Because if they are in less pain, they might actually want to have sex because they won’t be afraid that it will hurt! See where I am going here?

Bottom line is, I am encouraging you to care if your partner has pain. I am encouraging you to help them seek help, from someone like me, for their issues and begin the steps to revitalize your intimate relationship. It will benefit you both …and it’s the right thing to do!.

Dr. Katz