Tag: family

The Clematis has finally flowered!

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I know you’ve all been wondering anyway.

I know you have been wondering how in the heck I got to be me. It has been implied that there are a large amount of background stories contributing to this evolution of mine. Welp, you are about to hear some of them!

That’s right folks. My autobiography is about to launch into publication. I even wrote enough to achieve a hardcover edition! My publishers tell me that they have already nominated it for a national book honor for best biography. I am so humbled and flattered by this that I about burst into tears when I heard it.

I hope you all get a chance to read it when it comes out. I want to be very clear about a couple of things. This is not meant to be a tattle tale tell-all. This is meant to be a peak into some of the stories and adventures I have been through and that have helped shape me into who I am. The main point of writing the book in the first place was to try to finish processing some of those memories and hopefully show everyone how it is possible to make the choice to end up a good human regardless of what happens to you.

There are ways to extract good out of many different circumstances. I am not talking about being a doormat or kidding yourself and not trying to get out of a bad situation. I am not talking about not advocating for yourself. There are amazing nuggets and moments and some not so amazing moments as well. I hope you all enjoy, learn, and hopefully be empowered by it. Happy Reading!

Dr. Katz

Vacation! Oh how I missed you!

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N. 8 little letters but such a powerful word. A word that is supposed to fill you with anticipation, joy, and a sense of contentment. Well, I gotta tell ya. I cannot fully remember the last vacation when I wasn’t either in the hospital or facing some severe health diagnosis. There was no joy or relaxation involved. The word took on a whole set of new meanings: regret, isolation, and sadness.

I am so so thankful to report that now, I am actually on vacation for the first time in a long time when I am not in the hospital or facing something imminently terrible. I am so so grateful. I get to sleep in my own bed, not tethered to machinery or ivs. I get to look out my own window and see my beautiful yard and hear the birds sing instead of staring at the same old stretch of hospital cement and brick.

Am I planning any big trips? No. It’s not safe yet. But who cares? I am out of the hospital and getting healthier every day. I get to see my family. I got to go to my little cottage the other day and just soak it all in…the water, the wildlife, my little pontoon boat. It was so wonderful. Could I swim or anything yet in the lake. No, but again, who cares. I was just thrilled to be there.

I guess my bottom line is that a the meaning and the significance of a lot of things has shifted in these last 6 months. Well, the last three years actually with multiple bouts of cancer and other health issues. The importance of that is multi fold. I am learning how to cope with different things in different ways. I am re learning what is really important in life and I am relearning how to navigate through it. I would encourage everyone to take a step back and reevaluate your life, your surroundings and what’s the most important to you even before something awful happens. It could just help save your life and help you move forward after.

Dr. Katz

OMG I might get to go home in 2 or 3 days

As you all know I am plodding and racing at the same time to complete my stem cell journey hospital stay portion. I have been putting my steps in, keeping mobile. Gobbling all the antibiotics for all the infections. Trying to stay moving as my hemoglobin drops in over half. Having diarrhea all the time. Trying to croak just days before. A lot has turned around in a fast pace (if you can call a whole month in the hospital fast). This is girl is super grateful and happy to be alive. That Is the main glowing thought on my brain right now. I am filled with happiness and hope. I can swallow and sort of taste food again. All wins.

Naturally my family is nervous about me coming home. They don’t want me to rush. I tell them not to worry. That is definitely not what is going on here. There has been no rushing. I have no great impetus to hurry home in a rushed fashion. Of course I would love to go home…when it’s safe. I told them we have to trust that my doctors aren’t just trying to get rid of me. We are trying to strike that fine line of compromise and safety. If it ends being earlier than we thought, sounds like a win to me for all mine and their hard work. We have spent too much time with being scared. Now is the time for cautious optimism not fear. We have come too far. The doctors believe in me. My family can believe in me too. I know they can. Cheers to the thought of going home and beginning the next part of the adventure!

Dr. Katz

I can’t believe I am doing this again.

Hi guys. Long time no write I realize. There has been a crap ton of stuff going on. I have cancer again, for the second time in three years. This time instead of Hodgkins, I have large b cell primary cns lymphoma. That means I have a monster brain tumor. Yuck. This means two different cell lines within three years. This means I have a stem cell issue and am probably looking at stem cell transplant on top of months of chemo. This mean months in the hospital away from my family and other people I Iove. To even say the words brain cancer out loud are terrifying. It’s the kind of thing that sends a little shudder of terror right to your heart. I can’t help it. it’s true. It’s a scary thing. I personally feel it shouldn’t happen to anybody…lol. It’s one of those things that I cannot spend a lot of time overthinking about. The fear could paralyze you if you let it. Life must go on somehow, no matter how much you have left. I realize that this one could finish me but I am not going to let it stop me from living now. I am going to do everything I can to stay for myself, my family, my friends and my patients. I am determined to make the most of my life. 

I am about to change direction and tell you what has been good about this diagnosis. I realize that that sounds ridiculous and counterintuitive, but just listen for a minute. The overflowing vast amount of support has been amazing and warms my heart. It reminds me of all the blessings I still have despite my diseased brain. My staff, friends, family and patients have been amazing and I could not be more grateful. It reminds me that I am a good person who has spread positivity and helpfulness into the world and now people are trying to give it back. No matter what happens, I will try never to forget that. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Stay positive and fierce people!

Dr. Katz

The Monroe Community Players have turned 75 years old

The Monroe Community Players, started by Marie and Bill Smith 75 years ago. It’s hard to believe isn’t it? They are still going strong after all these years. There have been pandemics, pauses, and economic crises. And yet, they are still viable. I can remember my first players experience. My father-in-law invited me in during Fiddler on the Roof to play in the pit orchestra. I thought sure what the heck? Why not? The music was fun. The people were very interesting. I was hooked immediately. A couple of years later when they ran out of funds to pay conductors, I ended up musically directing Guys and Dolls and later South Pacific. I did both of these without any paid musicians and a mix of adults and high school students. I also did these with little babies swaddled on my chest, breastfeeding!

I can remember that we really caused a stir with that because we weren’t paying anyone. I can remember telling students that they were being paid in experience which was way more valuable in the long run. I remember telling them that show experience was not common but very valuable. Several of my students ended up going into careers with music. We were all very dedicated. We rehearsed constantly. I always brought lots of baked goods and gave them out as rewards for good answers to questions like ” who knows what this cue is for?” Everybody got very good at homing in on the details and we would end up passing out baked goods like crazy. I can even remember when I started getting febrile with strep in the middle of a performance. I kept waving my arms until I just couldn’t anymore and had to be carried off the podium! That’s how badly i wanted to see it through!. I just kind of lilted off the podium at the last of the applause.

Even after those dramatic incidences, I continued to either play in the pit or direct the orchestra. I loved it. As I got busier and my practice grew, I had less time to do it though. I have missed those times.

Tonight we gather together to celebrate the last 75 years with word, vignettes, and songs. There will be a vast array of humans at all different ages, each with a different story to tell. I can’t wait to here what they have to say.

Dr. Katz