Tag: give

IDGAF

Yes, I just saw this on a license plate the other day. A woman had it proudly emblazened on the license plate on the front of her car. You could tell that she was very pleased with herself, thought of herself as a true bad-ass.

I had some different thoughts about it. You know what those initials mean, right? It means I don’t give a fuck. I..don’t…give…a…fuck. I think to her, that means no one is going to tell her what to do or command her to give an opinion on anything. For her, that is stating some sense of power.

I see it differently. First, why “say” something like that out loud and not even use the words, just the initials? Why not spell it all out? Is she afraid of getting in trouble? Can she not even say it? That sounds like cowardice to me.

My impression is that when someone says that, they think they are making a power statement, but what they are really saying is that they refuse to make an investment of any sort in any idea or belief. They refuse to hold anything of importance enough to take stock in it or stand up for it. They are stubborn and weak at the same time. They are not actually taking control of anything. They are actually giving up on everything. They are refusing to put the work in. It’s a no win situation.

To say you don’t give a fuck/don’t care about anything means that you are giving up on the world around you. You are determined to not participate or find joy in anything. This is no way to live. I don’t understand it. I get that you get down after life has thrown you a crap ton of curve balls. Sometimes things get pretty shitty. I get it. I have been there. I have survived multiple cancers, almost lost my husband to heart disease and faced potential financial ruin multiple times…and I still give a fuck! If I can do it, you can too.

Dr. Katz

I think I’m addicted to giving compliments.

I really think that this is true. I love saying something nice to somebody. On top of that, if there is an extra challenge factor and the person is grumpy that day, I try even harder! Compliments are great to give and receive. They let us show our appreciation for each other and how much we think things are worth. They help us work together and face challenges productively. One would think you couldn’t go wrong with them. However, there are some fine points to consider.

What does it take to give a good compliment? Well, first of all, you have to actually mean it. Otherwise your facial expression, body language, and tone will give you away. If someone has a shirt on that you think is hideous and you try to say how much you like it, you are gonna flinch somehow. Most people are able to tell when a compliment isn’t sincere. You can avoid this scenario easily. Everyone has some quality to be noticed and complimented on. Just pay a little more attention and pick something else. The genuine compliment will go much farther.

Another key component of a good compliment is paying attention. Give your focus to the details of your surroundings and the people around you. It will allow you to say something nice that is specific enough to really mean something to the other person.

Let’s talk about specificity for a minute. Truly, the best compliments are specific. They zero in on specific characteristics or traits that are individual to that person. When you mention something specific, it shows that you are really paying attention. For example, you could tell anyone that they are pretty. That could apply to a lot of people. However, if you told someone that their gorgeous brunette hair was really flattering, that would probably mean a lot more.

Let the compliments flow when you are making them. You don’t have to stick to just one, unless the other person is visibly uncomfortable.

Last but not least is the thing that I suck at the most. Learn how to receive compliments well! I really stink at this. Somebody says something nice to me and ten reasons why it’s not true come word vomiting out of my mouth. Why God why do I do that? It’s like don’t want anything to interfere with my preconceived negative self-image! No good can come of this! I will simplify it for you. Here is the one time I am going to go against the former “be genuine” advice. Even if you are cringing inside thinking of how it is not true, just smile and say THANKYOU!

Have a great day guys!

Dr. Katz

Hope

The sun spoke to her today.

It said fear not.

There is time left to play.

There is time to run

and strive and live.

There is time to feel

and cherish and give.

There is time to shout

out loud and say

I will still thrive

Another day.

Sometimes my arms hurt from tryin to lift people up and it’s ok.

I am basically a positive person and I try my best to exude that energy into the world the best that I can. I try to be a force for good not evil. I try to look at the bright side and find the silver lining no matter how well hidden. I have made it my personal mission to try to lift others up, especially during these stressful times in the last several months.

Don’t let me fool you. I know I make it look easy sometimes, but these efforts take significant mental and sometimes physical energy, more than I really have to spend if I am being completely honest. The rewards of making others feel good are amazing and I get a great deal of satisfaction from it. I wouldn’t trade my efforts for anything. However, I know that I need to work on embracing the idea that it’s ok to set some of my energy aside for myself. I have to realize that it is not my sole responsibility to uplift the world if no one else is going to. I have trouble convincing myself that it isn’t just a selfish gesture to make time for my needs when I have them. I have trouble realizing that, if I don’t take time for myself, I won’t have anything left to give to others. You would think that putting that spin on it would help me justify spending time on myself, but it doesn’t. I seem to categorize myself more as a caregiver for others than an independent individual with needs and wants. I actually feel a little guilty when I do something for myself. I get the same kind of guilty feeling when I have to say no to someone.

I am pretty sure that I am not alone in this kind of thinking. A lot of us have trouble with the concept of self care. But why? Why do we feel guilty? What’s wrong with saying no and setting boundaries? What’s wrong with some self preservation? I think the key is to not confuse self preservation with selfishness. We need to strike a balance between what we do for ourselves and what we do for others. Otherwise, we run the risk of having nothing left to give and no arms strong enough to lift. Have a great day everyone.

Dr. Katz

And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love, you make.

This famous line from The End on the Abbey Road album proves that John, Paul, George, and Ringo knew what they were talking about. It was one of their last messages of love to the world toward the end of a phenomenal career. These words speak a simple truth that I feel like we are all forgetting lately: Whatever you put out into the universe is what is going to come back to you eventually. If you put love out there, you will get love back. If you put hate out there, you will get hate back. The formula is simple and logical, in a way. Notice that this quote does not mention anything about timelines. It doesn’t mean that the very second you offer something good to the world you will get immediate returns. It implies nothing about instant gratification. It doesn’t eliminate the possibility of having to invest a significant amount of your emotions and time into something before you see any results. It doesn’t say anything about what the world owes you at any point in time, regardless of your efforts. It simply bottom lines the idea that you will eventually get back what you give.

Dr. Katz