Tag: interest

Hey there doctors! Guess what? It’s actually a good thing when you have a knowledgeable patient interested in their health care!

It has come to my attention after being a patient A LOT lately, that for some doctors, having a patient who is knowledgeable, dares to ask a question, and is genuinely invested in their own healthcare is some kind of terrifying threat.

Huh? Why? Can anyone tell me why? To me, this makes no sense whatsoever. When I get that patient who asks questions and truly gives a crap about their own health care and wants to be involved, I personally feel like I hit the lottery! I am like O Happy Day! Let’s get you healed and healthier together. Let’s help make you the captain of your own healthcare team. Let’s surge you on to the path to wellness together!

The chances of success in this type of scenario are about a 100 times the chances if it’s not. When you have a patient that is willing to put the work in, is interested enough to ask the questions instead of just blindly following without understanding, that is like striking gold. That is awesome! That is the goal we should be trying to achieve! I just don’t understand why it doesn’t seem to be for most physicians.

But, knowing me. I have a few theories though and I would like to share them with you. Mind you these are just theories and I have no scientific documented proof, but I have had a hell of a lot of experience as a physician and as a patient and this is what I have seen.

I am worried that the physicians that seem so threatened by a patient that asks questions perhaps are just not confident enough in the care or the information that they are providing, or not providing as the case may be.

Well, this should never be the case. Be prepared at all times for questions and clarification. Know your patient so well that you can pre-anticipate what questions might be asked even before they are asked. Actually look at that chart before you enter the room. Anything you are unsure about? Look it up ahead of time and either be ready to talk about it or honestly admit that you don’t know,but are willing to help find someone who does.

It really is that easy sometimes. I get it. Not all conversations are easy. I am just saying that you have to put the pre work in to make things go as well as possible. Sometimes you are giving potentially horrendous news. There is nothing easy about that. It is not the patient’s job to reassure you, it is your job to reassure and support them. This news may make your day a lot tougher emotionally, but it may be changing their entire life all at once. It’s about the patient and your purpose is to help the patient so you gotta just pick up your bootstraps and do it or find another profession.

The bottom line is, I am not one of those threatened by patients being involved or asking questions. I welcome it with full on joy! Bring on them questions!

Dr. Katz

Once a manipulator, always a manipulator

There are manipulators everywhere. I am pretty sure all of us have fallen victim to their wiles at one point or another. Depending on the skill of the manipulator, the process may be so sly and so subtle that you don’t even realize that it is happening until it is too late. I personally have been on the receiving end of countless manipulations over the years. After doing a lot of research and reading, plus a side dose of life experience, I have realized a few things about manipulators that are the key to foiling their efforts and getting your life back.

First, you have to recognize a manipulator. A manipulator is a person who uses other people to seize power, influence outcomes, create scapegoats, gain control in relationships and reap the benefits of the work of others. These individuals use a lot of different tricks to accomplish these goals: deceit, guilt, false hope and last but not least, lies.

Second, master manipulators can twist any situation in their favor. They are very skilled at making you talk more about you than themselves. This is a how they gain information about you and use it to exploit potential weaknesses. They feign supreme interest in order to gain your confidence and learn all your inner most secrets. They may be genuinely interested in you, but not for the reasons you think. Their interest and your information reveals may ultimately be your undoing. Turn those questions around and ask them probing questions instead. This is like putting a deflector shield up and may result in the manipulator backing down.

Third, a manipulator is always two-faced. He or she acts differently to different people in different situations. Beware of the person that is smiling and chatting with a person one second and then talking about them to another person the next.

Fourth, a manipulator will always try to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself and what you believe in. Anyone that tries to make you feel bad for expressing your opinion or maintaining your ground is trouble. It is said that belief can be manipulated while knowledge is truly dangerous. Knowing yourself and your boundaries and your beliefs makes you less vulnerable to someone’s efforts to put you down and undermind you.

Fifth, a manipulator’s actions never meet their words. They may tell you what you want to hear but their actions spell out something completely different. They promise to support you but fail on the follow through. They compliment you and tell you how amazing it is to be with you, but then turn around and act like it’s the biggest cross to bear in the world. This is just one more way that they attempt to mold your perception of reality of the world around you to one that works in their favor.

Sixth, a manipulator will always play the victim in every situation. They are experts at pointing the finger in every other direction but toward them. They blame everyone else for everything. They take no accountability. Nothing is their fault.

Last, they are all about intensity. Everything is too much too soon. They pretend to reveal everything right away and expect you to do the same. They pretend to be vulnerable so that you will be flattered because they “let you in.” It is all part of the plot though to make you feel sorry for them and to make you completely responsible for their feelings, regardless of what they are actually based on.

All of these attributes are important to spot, but once you do, now what? Use this awareness to maintain emotional distance from the manipulator. Refuse to participate in their guilt traps. Control the chaos. Don’t get sucked into it. Delay your responses to situations rather than offering instant gratification to the manipulator.

In the most serious cases, these manipulative relationships can progress into violence. This is a situation in which outside intervention is often needed because the victim has been so conditioned to think the interactions are normal that they cannot see their way out of it. This is where national hotlines come in.

The bottom line is, when it comes to manipulators, you need to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that something is off about the relationship, reassess and break away. Don’t let the worry and self doubt that they have carefully implanted in your mind take over. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by staying in the relationship. Extricate yourself while you can.

Dr. Katz