I know what you are thinking. Stop it already! You know that your next scan will likely be ok. You have no symptoms, besides the occasional panicking about something that is actually completely normal if you stretched back into your memory of life before cancers. Remember, regular twinges or the occasional floater in your eye are normal in your 50s! Stop freaking out. These are the kind of daily internal conversations that I have with myself in the month before each and every scan.

To be honest, I have had months of normal scans in a row so far. I went the extra thousand miles and had the stem cell transplant on top of everything. That is supposed to provide the possiblity of 30 years cancer free. That is really amazing and tantalizing to think about.

But, still, the pattern of worry continues. It doesn’t seem to really get to me until the month before the scan. This next one is coming up on Feb 19th so yep, I am smack in the middle of the month before.
If I take a step back, which I make myself do daily, I remind myself that I am now biking up to 10 miles a day, able to balance on one toe if I wanted to,having no night blindness, and not crashing into windows with my head. I am very likely to be ok…lol But man, I just need to see that scan report to believe that it is true.

All kinds of amazing things are evolving. I have a trip coming up. I have published four books. The last of my huge business debts are fading away. My family is healthy. All good stuff coming up. I am making the conscious choice to try to focus on those things instead. I really am.

The bottom line is, this scan-xiety stuff is for the birds. It is not very nice and it stays with you for years after cancer. It just is what it is. I am doing my best to deal with it and still try to live a full life at the same time, without acting like every single minute could be my last. Living life to the fullest is a good thing. Living life like it could be your last moment ever is kind of harsh. For right now, I am falling somewhere in-between and I keep hoping, and going to therapy, that this too shall pass.

Have a great day guys.

Dr. Katz