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Tag: quality
Feel like there are no options left? I am telling you that there are. Let’s discuss it right now.
What I am talking about is violence and abuse. Yes, that’s right, Violence and abuse, whether it be toward you, your kids, your relatives or whoever. It is everywhere and increasing every day. I am faced with an ever-increasing amount of patients who are facing this issue regularly.
So, what’s the worst that could happen? Well, someone could actually end up dead or permanently damaged in some way for one. Dead. Never coming back. Dead. Someone could end up permanently emotionally damaged and use that as an excuse to continue that style of behavior and life even into their next phase of life or worse, if they were an abused child or spouse, continue on to abuse their children or next spouse because that is the scenario they are familiar with or they are using that as their excuse. The things that I hear the most is ” I just don’t know what to do. or…That’s how I was brought up…or..That’s the same stuff I went through….or….It’s all I know.
These are the most heart breaking responses I ever here. I picture in my mind the terrified children or the terrified spouse or girlfriend. When there is abuse going on, everyone suffers, not just the person actually undergoing the abuse. It has wide ranging, awful ripple effects. Too often I am trying to work with someone that has already given up and just figures that there is nothing they can do and that is just the way that it is.
I am here to tell you that that is not true. Despite what you think, there are always possible options, if you chose to take them. They require fortitude, strategy, secrecy, and sometimes heartbreaking techniques, but they can be done. I refuse to believe that there is no option. Before I go any further, I need to tell you that I personally have had more than my fair share of abuse and violence in my past. I had to keep secrets that no one should have to keep. I had to live through things that no one should have to live through. So, I get it. There is no easy way out. Finally, as an adult I try my best to live a healthy life and be a good parent to my kids and be a good wife to my husband and break the former cycle. I am telling you there is a way to make it stop and move forward, even if there is no one that you currently know who can show you.
First, before you even get started you have to give yourself a moment of calm to begin planning. You need to have a relocation plan, even if it is to a safe house or local shelter. You need to set aside a separate source of funds. You need to get your papers in order. You need to be willing to stop and accept and sacrifice yourself or worse, your children as if you somehow deserve it. NO ONE deserves abuse. NO ONE! You need to value yourself and your kids enough to get the heck out of there before something irreparable happens. If it is safe to do so, you need to stand up to that partner or spouse and say look, my poor heart may love you for the rest of my life but my children and I cannot live with you another day if this crap keeps going on. If it is not safe to do that, then just get the heck away while you can and figure the rest out later. Nothing is worth risking your life, your childrens’ lives, or your mental health to stay.
I am telling you that it can be done. You can get away. You can begin to live a healthy life again. Please do not use your experiences as an excuse to re-enact the same poor behaviors to others or your kids. Please do not inadvertently teach your children that abuse is ok and that there is nothing you can do. I am living proof that it is possible. Here is the link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Please use it if you need it. They offer support in over 200 plus languages.
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1-800-799-7233
Dr. Katz
The Art of Slogging
OK, now that I have your attention. What the hell is slogging? The word slog is a verb meaning to work hard over a period of time. It also means to hit forcefully and typically wildly, especially in boxing. For the purposes of this blog, we are going to stick with the first definition. Personally, I also find the word imbued with a trace of difficulty or struggle as well, as if the work being done is innately more challenging than usual and that more effort is required. I also think that it implies a certain lack of joy in the task to be completed. Even the word itself has a heaviness to it, at least mentally and emotionally. I don’t find myself using it unless I am referring to a state in which I am struggling to get the basic requirements completed day to day. One final potentially positive component of the word slog is the implication of a necessary process, like slogging to get somewhere.
I think that this word perfectly describes the world at large today with all of the changes in restrictions, work environments, and day to day life. The level of unpredictability and the lack of control has brought out the worst in some and brought out the best and most altruistic in others. I even find myself struggling to get up, get dressed, and get psyched up to face the day, not knowing if I am going to be at the hospital for 25 hours or 4 hours, or if anyone is even going to show up. It is a conscious, sometimes burdensome mental effort to go to work and strive each day. This is by no means a reflection of how much I love my job. I LOVE MY JOB. I always will. I LOVE MY PATIENTS. I am grateful to even have a job. I have always embraced the role of the uplifting, caring, compassionate superhero to women. It’s my favorite thing in the whole world to help save someones life, make it better or bring new life into the world. It’s just that the positive level of variety that first attracted me is not the same. The variety I now encounter has more to do wondering who if anyone is going to show up on a given day. On top of that, my hands are tied with regard to what services I am ALLOWED to provide for patients. Some of the best aspects of my job in terms of preventative care and early diagnosis are severely limited right now because I do not have a crystal ball to predict what a patient needs without a procedure, exam or surgery. It is very frustrating to go to work every day knowing that I am not able to give patients everything they need. I worry every day about what I am potentially missing because of these limitations. Last, but not least, let’s not forget the mental burden of economic insecurity. There is no unemployment for bosses and business owners. There are some loans with a mountain of paperwork and extensive stipulations, but even those have no guarantee of ensuring the survival of your business of 20+ years. There you go, slogging at it’s best. I am getting through every day and working hard, but it is a struggle and the joy factor is more limited, not because I don’t love what I do, but because I am not allowed to completely do what I do. And yet, I keep slogging away in order to be able to eventually get back to running my practice as I see fit.
I get the same kind of feeling at home too. Most days, I manage to get myself motivated to at least attempt a project that has been hanging over my head( sometimes for years) and then other times I feel like I would rather scream than clean one more thing and I just don’t feel like doing anything. The difficulty rating of just going to the store has now been elevated to a ten out of ten between masking, gloving, making lists and figuring out a strategy to get the most with the least trips, knowing that I might not leave the house for an errand for another few weeks at best. Then there is the daily feeling hanging over your head that leaves you wondering if this truly is the new normal? On top of that is the constant barrage of input from all directions of conspiracy and control theories that only serve to add to the overall panic and disrupt any logical progression of thought. You cannot get away from them. You turn off the news and they appear on you social media instead. You turn away from social media and just listening to music and your broadcast is interrupted with another update. Whew! It’s a bit much. Again, slogging at it’s best. But, right now, there is no other choice. I have to keep slogging through on my way back to the way things used to be. It’s part of the process right now. It’s part of the process of doing my part in order to flatten the pandemic curve. If I quit or rebel, I am not making anything go any faster. Maybe if we all slog together, we may just get to the end of this thing a little faster. Let me leave you with this quote from Walter Annenberg, philanthropist, businessman, and ambassador:
” I want to remind you that success in life is based on hard slogging. There will be periods when discouragement is great and upsetting, and the antidote for this is calmness and fortitude and a modest yet firm belief in your competence. Be sure that your priorities are in order so that you can proceed in a logical manner, and be ever mindful that nothing will take the place of persistence.”
Dr. Katz