Tag: reveal

Settle in pookies cuz grandma’s got a life lesson comin at ya…free of charge!

Yes yes. I am a grandma. A grandma of three in fact. All awesome, intelligent, creative individuals. I am so happy that one of my roles in life is to teach them good things, not just to yell and punish. Well heck, actually I want to teach the whole world good things, not just them. Chose to listen. Don’t chose to listen. The choice is up to you. But, I’m tellin ya I do have a few gems of wisdom up my sleeve from a couple of decades of experience.

First things first, I have been told lately that I talk a lot of shit about people. Hmmm. shit. I say nay nay to that. I actually just tell the truth that some are not quite ready to hear about themselves. Let me explain the difference.

To talk shit about someone. What exactly does that mean? Let’s refer to the almighty websters dictionary and find out. Here we go. To talk shit is to untruthfully speak of another in a belittling, deprecative, slighting manner, either in person or in absentia. In other words, it means spreading lies about private business, often in secret, when the person of interest is not there, because you don’t have the cahones to say it to their face. Why don’t you have the cahones? Well because the crap you are saying is not even true.

Ah I see. Now let take a look at what I do. Personally, I do not have the time or the inclination to talk shit about anyone. I have enough on my plate and enough positive goals to accomplish to bother with that kind of foolishness. It is ridiculous and small-minded and is nothing but a sign of ultimate insecurity and that kind of talk is being used to give the person a kind of false sense of empowerment or confidence. Yeah nope, not for me.

On the other hand, in the appropriate, or at least attempt to be appropriate, situation there are hard truths that need to be confronted and revealed. Those situations aren’t any less popular of course, but at least they are not lies. They are difficult and a lot of times the person that they apply to is not ready to hear them, but at least they are, in fact, true.

Having said that, I am going to try to continue to work on this. I think I have become a bit sassier of the mouth since this brain cancer stuff, with a side of occasional Keppra rage. I will work on it I promise. Sometimes I have this fear in the back of my head that my time will run out and I won’t have the opportunity to correct a wrong or bring an injustice to light. This is all true, but I have to realize that not everyone is ready for this. I have to make sure to adjust my pace and proceed accordingly.

Hopefully this has cleared up for everyone the difference between talking shit and telling the truth. Please enjoy this newly enlightened wisdom and I will work on my mouthiness. Have a fantastic day everyone.

Dr. Katz

“The End” ( When chemo is complete)

We are almost there

Saying it out loud

Doesn’t seem real

The Real sigh of relief isn’t for five years

The shadow monkey on my back

Constant reminder of what could be

Excited and terrified to be done

No more internal liquid defense system

Who will protect me? What will protect me?

Is hyperrvilance the answer?

Or is living my life the answer?

It’s probably somewhere in between

“The End” doesn’t actually = instant real me or whole me

Time, patience, perseverance is the key

Setting realistic expectations

That is the true challenge revealed

Once a manipulator, always a manipulator

There are manipulators everywhere. I am pretty sure all of us have fallen victim to their wiles at one point or another. Depending on the skill of the manipulator, the process may be so sly and so subtle that you don’t even realize that it is happening until it is too late. I personally have been on the receiving end of countless manipulations over the years. After doing a lot of research and reading, plus a side dose of life experience, I have realized a few things about manipulators that are the key to foiling their efforts and getting your life back.

First, you have to recognize a manipulator. A manipulator is a person who uses other people to seize power, influence outcomes, create scapegoats, gain control in relationships and reap the benefits of the work of others. These individuals use a lot of different tricks to accomplish these goals: deceit, guilt, false hope and last but not least, lies.

Second, master manipulators can twist any situation in their favor. They are very skilled at making you talk more about you than themselves. This is a how they gain information about you and use it to exploit potential weaknesses. They feign supreme interest in order to gain your confidence and learn all your inner most secrets. They may be genuinely interested in you, but not for the reasons you think. Their interest and your information reveals may ultimately be your undoing. Turn those questions around and ask them probing questions instead. This is like putting a deflector shield up and may result in the manipulator backing down.

Third, a manipulator is always two-faced. He or she acts differently to different people in different situations. Beware of the person that is smiling and chatting with a person one second and then talking about them to another person the next.

Fourth, a manipulator will always try to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself and what you believe in. Anyone that tries to make you feel bad for expressing your opinion or maintaining your ground is trouble. It is said that belief can be manipulated while knowledge is truly dangerous. Knowing yourself and your boundaries and your beliefs makes you less vulnerable to someone’s efforts to put you down and undermind you.

Fifth, a manipulator’s actions never meet their words. They may tell you what you want to hear but their actions spell out something completely different. They promise to support you but fail on the follow through. They compliment you and tell you how amazing it is to be with you, but then turn around and act like it’s the biggest cross to bear in the world. This is just one more way that they attempt to mold your perception of reality of the world around you to one that works in their favor.

Sixth, a manipulator will always play the victim in every situation. They are experts at pointing the finger in every other direction but toward them. They blame everyone else for everything. They take no accountability. Nothing is their fault.

Last, they are all about intensity. Everything is too much too soon. They pretend to reveal everything right away and expect you to do the same. They pretend to be vulnerable so that you will be flattered because they “let you in.” It is all part of the plot though to make you feel sorry for them and to make you completely responsible for their feelings, regardless of what they are actually based on.

All of these attributes are important to spot, but once you do, now what? Use this awareness to maintain emotional distance from the manipulator. Refuse to participate in their guilt traps. Control the chaos. Don’t get sucked into it. Delay your responses to situations rather than offering instant gratification to the manipulator.

In the most serious cases, these manipulative relationships can progress into violence. This is a situation in which outside intervention is often needed because the victim has been so conditioned to think the interactions are normal that they cannot see their way out of it. This is where national hotlines come in.

The bottom line is, when it comes to manipulators, you need to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that something is off about the relationship, reassess and break away. Don’t let the worry and self doubt that they have carefully implanted in your mind take over. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by staying in the relationship. Extricate yourself while you can.

Dr. Katz