Tag: self care

Heads up! Self love and selfish are not the same thing.

I am just not sure why these terms are so intertwined and confused as frequently as they are. I feel like people think that self love and selfish are the same thing. Well, they aren’t.

Let’s break it down. Self-love is a positive trait. It includes having a positive regard for yourself. It includes having an understanding of your own self-worth. It includes treating yourself with kindness and care. It is closely related to positive self-esteem and self-compassion. It can have a positive effect on your mental health and well-being and all of your relationships. I cannot see the bad side to this. One of my favorite quotes is “Self-love is the key to a joyful life.” “Self-care is never a selfish act- it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”

Selfish, on the other hand, is something very different. To be selfish is to be singularly focused on one’s own needs and pleasures to the complete disregard of others. It means having no regard for how your own behavior impacts others. Other words for this would be egocentric, narcissistic and self-centered. Yep, I’m not really sure how this could ever be confused with self- care.

So I say, bring on the massages, the pedicures, the meditations, the quiet reading and the enjoyment of nature. Bring on the quiet contemplative times. Listen to that music that you want to. Do what makes you feel good. If it peripherally affects no one in a harmful way, great? Nothing to worry about. Time to carry on. If there are people in your life that become overly concerned because you are trying to care for yourself, it’s perhaps time to cast them aside like the anchors that they are and move forward with the life you would like for yourself. No one should be able to dictate how you live but you.

Dr. Katz

Sunday Funday

Remember how we were always taught that Sunday is a day of rest? You were supposed to rest and gather your mojo to prepare you for the rest of the week with no hard labor or rushing around. You were supposed to slow down, make time for reflection or worship and just…be. I have to confess, that concept has completely gone to the wayside for me for many years now. Sunday has become the catch all day for everything that I didn’t get to throughout the rest of the week: grocery shopping, running errands, cleaning, going through the email back log, etc. I treat it as if Sunday somehow contains more hours than the rest of the week, at least in relation to the unrealistic expectations I have of what I can accomplish. That way I am sure to be disappointed no matter what happens. I am not sure how it happened exactly. I think it crept up on me slowly through the years. There is no rest to be had on Sunday. It has just become impossible. But, is that really healthy? Don’t we all need some down time? Isn’t that an essential part of self-care, the biblical recommendations not withstanding?

In fact, down time IS an essential part of self care. We need a day to reflect, regather our thoughts, and actually rest. A day of rest is important physiologically to help your body replace the energy stores in your muscle cells so that your battery can be fully recharged for your next workout. A day of rest allows for some mechanical repair from your previous exercise. A day of rest is important psychologically because it allows us to slow our minds down from the daily, emotionally exhausting grind. When we unplug from our relentless, preplanned day to day activities, we can actually stop to enjoy our surroundings, take a momentary deep breath and do something just for ourselves for no reason and mentally prepare for the rest of the week. I am reminded of the words of Matthew Kelly, author of Resisting Happiness: “Don’t waste a single Sunday. If you don’t waste Sundays, you will be less likely to waste Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.” The bottom line is, sometimes you gotta brake now, so you don’t break later when you don’t mean to. Happy Sunday everybody!

Dr. Katz

Self Care is Tricky

Woman Doing Yoga Inside A Room

Self care has many definitions. In health care, self care most closely aligns with preventative medicine, the care of one’s own body and adherence to medical advice. It is also considered a primary form of care for patients with chronic medical conditions who have to make many day-to-day decisions or self-manage their illnesses. In terms of philosophy, self-care refers to the care and cultivation of self in the most comprehensive sense in terms of one’s soul and self-awareness. Instead of taking care of one’s body, it focuses more on caring for one’s mental health, soul, and emotions.

Okay, so both of those sound good don’t they? Take care of your physical and mental health. Sign me up. So then, I ask you, why is it so difficult to see to fruition? Somehow, the concept of self-care in our day and age has acquired a negative connotation. Somehow the idea of self-care has become synonymous with selfishness and therefore imbued with a sense of guilt that we have difficulty shaking off. Why? They are absolutely not the same thing.

Kenya Foy outlines 6 important differences between self care and selfishness. I am going to focus on four of them. 1) Self care has far reaching benefits for yourself and everyone in your life. If you have taken the time to care for yourself, you reap the emotional and physical benefits and so does everyone around you as they benefit from your energy, your positivity and your productivity. 2) Self care is not done with an intent to harm others. To be selfish is to behave in a self-serving manner with an underlying malicious intent. There is a desire to actually take from others which may result in harm. Self care is all about replenishing your own resources without taking anything from anyone else. 3) Being selfish prevents you from giving of yourself while self care makes it possible. If you go around with a “me first only” attitude then you have absolutely no room for consideration of others. If you practice self care, you end up setting boundaries for yourself that actually leave some room and some energy left to focus on others if necessary. 4) Self care builds strength. Once you give yourself permission to shower yourself with love, you gain security which allows you to make better decisions for the world around you. Selfishness has an inherent insecurity that weighs down everything that you think and do.

Are you convinced yet that self care is the way to go? I think I am. As a matter of fact, I think I hear my bubble bath waiting before I head off to my meeting. Have a fantastic day everyone.

Dr. Katz