Tag: Gratitude

Just think, two years ago my friends and family were throwing a benefit for my brain cancer and now today, I am playing in a concert instead!

Wow! Just wow! A whole crap ton of good has happened in just two years. I am sitting here on my couch, with a head full of hair, looking outside at all the Michigan winter goodness. I am not nauseated. I am not bald. I am not waiting to hear if I am going to live or die. My dogs are passed out next to me. I am blogging comfortably to all of you!

This is really freaking awesome. I am feeling so grateful and so at peace. I am grateful to just be alive and on this planet. I am grateful to feel well enough to pause to almost complain(lol) about daily trivial things. I am proud and amazed that both of my businesses still exist. I am grateful for my awesome family. I am grateful for my amazing staff. Yep, lots of gratitude here for sure. I can’t stop talking about it.

Just think about this for a minute, only two years ago I wasn’t completely sure that I was going to make it out of that second cancer. Yep, SECOND CANCER! As if one wasn’t enough somehow. Ok, I say that facetiously. Any cancer is more than enough. Sometimes, if you don’t take a minute to joke, you run the risk of being too emotional all the time.

Have all my significant hardships and health issues taken a toll? Well, of course they have! Who wouldn’t have a healthy side of ptsd at times after all I have been through. That is a normal response. I still have times where a random or twinge or perceived symptom somewhere shoots me over the edge in a second, until I have time to take a breath and regroup and remember that the present is very different than the past. I am not perfect at this but I am working on it. I work on this not over-reacting thing like every single day.

Still, having said all that, my overall attitude is one of gratitude. For all those of you out there who cannot fathom how I could feel blessed in anyway, think again! It is a matter of perspective my friends! The bottom line is that I still have the pleasure of existence on this planet! I am still able to care for my family! I am still able to take care of women everywhere! What’s not a blessing about that?! Yep, I’m gonna go with the I am blessed attitude. Have a fantastic day everyone! Embrace what you got. You never know when it could be taken away. Enjoy what’s good right now dangit!

Dr. Katz

Cancer Awareness Months

There are many different cancer awareness months with focused awareness on certain cancers. January is cervical cancer awareness month. February is Nation Cancer Prevention Month and Gallbladder and Bile Duct Cancer awareness month. March is Colorectal Cancer awareness month and Multiple Myeloma Awareness month. April is Esophageal, Head and Neck Cancer and Testicular Cancer Awareness month. May is National Cancer Research Month, May is also Bladder Cancer, Melanoma, Brain, and Skin Cancer Awareness month. June is National Cancer Survivor Month. July is Sarcoma and Bone Cancer Awareness month. August is Appendix Cancer Awareness month. September covers a lot of cancer awareness. It is Childhood Cancer, Leukemia, Lymphoma, Ovarian, Prostate, and Thyroid Cancer Awareness month. October is Breast and Liver Cancer Awareness month. November is Neuroendocrine Tumors, Gastric, Lung, and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month. Somehow December is not any kind of cancer awareness month.

These are all well and good and should be acknowledged. As a two-time cancer warrior, I guess I would fall into the May and September category, having had lymphoma and brain cancer. Whenever I see postings about these months, I try to educate people and patients about the particular cancer that the month concentrates on. Still, I believe that there are so many additional unmentioned cancers that also deserve attention. I realize while saying this that it would be impossible to list them all. I get that. I guess what I am really trying to say is that cancer is something that we should remain vigilant for and attempt to screen for and diagnosis every single day, not just for a month or a day or a year.

As patient I realize that my particular battles and surveillance will never ever really be over for good. I will always have to be vigilant and follow up. This is why I even stay away from the word survivor because it implies a kind of finality that I don’t really think I have the luxury or confidence to truly embrace. That is ok. I am so happy just to still exist that the lifetime of surveillance does not trouble me. I plan to be in it for the long haul and whatever I have to do to help make that happen, I am in!

Digest these thoughts for a bit and have an amazing and grateful day!

Dr. Katz

Running mundane errands this morning

Ok so I woke up today on a Friday morning and realized I had the day off…First win of the day! Then, I realized that I was going to get to go to the fruit and veggie market and the grocery store..by MYSELF…driving my OWN CAR! Whaaaat? You are probably asking yourself….so, what’s the big deal? Well, the big deal is that something like that has not happened in like 8 months. 8 months of hospital prison, chemo, stem cell craziness, sepsis, isolation and just trying to make it out alive! This realization hit me like a kind of freight train out of nowhere, but in a good way. I was overcome with the sense of freedom and joy. I could not wait to carry out my little mundane tasks like a regular mom and wife with no risks or fears.

I practically trotted out to my car and literally patted her like we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. I jumped in and buckled my seat belt and blasted the AC DC and the Led Zeppelin with my McDonalds fountain coke in hand and jammed it out all the way to the fruit and veggie market. I was actually the first in line as the doors open. Of course, I was still careful and had my hand sanitizer in hand and my mask on, but I didn’t care! I was actually out by myself and got there without having to get a ride from someone. The fruit and veggie mart was cold like walking into a refrigerator. Lots of people were complaining. Not me! I can’t remember the last time I was cold and not just overheating. My little bald self was bouncin around that market like I had never been there. I even found myself humming a little tune. I think I amused the check out lady because she commented,” Having a good day are we?” I said ” We certainly are! I haven’t been out by myself in a very long time. I am super grateful.” I think I made her day, especially since everyone around me was complaining about the cold.

On the way home and to my next stop at the grocery store, I actually got misty eyed because I was so happy. I just couldn’t believe my good fortune at being able to do something this basic and simple. It’s amazing how much you forget enjoying the basics when you don’t get to do them for a long time. Well, on that overly happy sappy note, I bid all of you a wonderful day. Keep being grateful for what you have. Realize how good life can be before it slips away from you.

Dr. Katz

It’s Easter

To me, first and foremost, Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus. I get it. But, also for me, there is a lot of other things to celebrate on this day too. There has been so much rebirth everywhere. From the minute details of the daffodils blooming to the emergence of myself and my husband from illness to the rejuvenation of old relationships: there is a sense of fresh start everywhere.

Second chances are everywhere, if we take advantage of them. I think this applies not only to religion, but to life in general. I have to admit, there has been so much change to take in that sometimes it’s overwhelming as well as wonderful. I am sometimes not sure how to process it all. I make sure to never let it overwhelm my sense of gratitude, but I am noticing that there is still an underlying sense of anxiety and “waiting for the other shoe to drop” again in my every day life. It seems to be affecting my whole family as well. I think it’s just normal with everything we have been through lately.

I realize that I need to make a conscious effort to keep moving forward, and to help my family move forward with me. We need to make the absolute most of and learn from these second chances. We need to focus on what gives us joy, even if it is something as small as watching my grandchildren hunt for Easter eggs or as monumental as hearing that my latest scans are clear.

So, as you gather with family and friends today to celebrate our Lord, also take time to celebrate each other and life in general. Take nothing for granted. Embrace every opportunity. Learn from each other and your own mistakes. Savor every moment.

Have a happy and blessed Easter.

Dr. Katz

No Wisdom Here

Sitting in chemo today

listening to the chatter

several elderly patients

back and forth discourse and discord.

I eavesdropped a little

hoping for a glimpse of wisdom.

Sadly, wisdom is not what I heard.

anger, stubbornness, self-destruction

That’s what I heard.

“They can’t tell me to quit smoking

just because I have lung cancer.”

“I’ll do what I want!”

“I’ve lived this long haven’t I ?

Why change now?”

My heavy heart sank and filled with despair.

there was no wisdom to gain here.

Misguided thought processes with lethal implications.

The Utilitarian in me asks why they are getting treatment?

The Judge asks if it’s.fair that they are taking a spot from someone willing to listen and change?

Their perception is foreign to me.

No one is forcing then to be there.

Is gratitude an unwelcome sentiment when there is a potentially life saving option?

I sit quietly, my grateful heart appreciating my doctor’s and nurses, celebrating my half way point.