Tag: happy

Woke up smiling

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So, I just had this huge anniversary

Guys, do you realize that just over a year ago I was unconscious, in a coma, filled with brain tumor and swelling. Like, literally, gone from the world, no verbal communication, gone. That was Dec 11th 2023.

Wow! How time has passed. I cannot really say flown because believe you me, nothing has been fast. It has been hard, grueling, painful, lonely, exhausting, but not really fast per se. But, look at me now. My business survived. I retained all of my employees and made sure that their incomes were not impacted. I managed not to lose any of my equipment or my home. I have even managed to write two more books in the meantime! And, I finally managed to start paying myself some after like four years of mostly not doing it.

Sounds like all wins so far, but not gifts. These are all hard-earned achievements that took a lot of blood, sweat, tears, grit, determination, and positivity. I was not really given anything, but I didn’t expect to be either. I knew the road ahead. I had been through it before. Here’s hoping for some more lengthy time off in the future.

I have friends that are amazing and want to make sure to praise me for how far I have come. That is awesome and they are awesome. At the exact same time, I want someone to recognize me and all that I have survived and been through and throw me a big party that doesn’t involve raising money for my survival and is just for fun, I want to forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened in the first place. When I actually sit and allow myself to reflect for a minute, I go right back to the moments of fear and not knowing and wondering if I was even going to be able to get to stay on this planet at all. Those memories turn on you fast before you know it. I am never going to be upset at my friends for congratulating me. They are just trying to be the amazing people that they are. I am just admitting that it scares me at the same time. Like, what if it happens again? You know, all the fearful dready thoughts that mix in with the happy celebrations. I guess that is just the way that it is at the moment. Thank goodness for therapy on a regular basis to keep your head on straight.

The bottom line is that I will never stop being grateful for still being here and getting just to be alive. I will never stop trying to use my now functional brain for good and to help women and girls and hairy men( ya know the ones I do laser hair removal for?) everywhere and every day. I just have to realize that is also ok to sit back and take a minute if I need to pause for some memories or anxiety. It’s a normal response. I don’t have to be constantly busy and productive. I am still of use to the world even if I am not doing twenty things at once in case it’s my last chance to do so. Take it easy there Katzie, you are going to continue to be ok. It’s your time to shine now.

Dr. Katz

Happy Frickin New Year! Here’s to a fresh start!

I have decided that tonight is going to be my best New Years in years. Am I going to be out drunk and ridiculous and unsafe? NO. Am I going to go party with friends? NO. But, I will be at home, eating fresh home cooked seafood with my husband and my cacophony of dogs and dog noise and dancing ridiculously to horrible 80s and 90s music with heavy bass and actually intelligible lyrics! Whooo!

Sounds boring? Well, I disagree. I have done a lot this year, all of it hard. I fought brain cancer. I fought my way back to consciousness after a coma. I managed to keep my business afloat and make sure all my employees were taken care of. I managed to begin digging myself out of the financial hole I was drifting and sinking down in with all the crazy stuff going on.

So, a little down time, me time, husband time and dog time sounds like just the perfect, normal and enjoyable thing. My positivity is soaring so high despite everything that I think it was literally reaching people even at McDonalds today when they gave me free food for a mistake that they did not actually make! Score!

So, everyone, I say have fun out there. Please be safe. Please savor life to the fullest. Have a good time and don’t do anything you will regret for longer than say 24 hours. Happy New Year everyone!

Dr. Katz

Sitting here quietly

Just sitting here quietly on Christmas morning, listening to my gentle music Christmas blend, snuggling with my dogs. I am taking a moment to soak it all in. It just dawned on me this is the first Christmas in like three years that I am not either waiting for a terrible health diagnosis or in between cancers. Wow! That just hit me like a soothing wave of calm, mixed with excitement and relaxation in the mundane all at the same time. Yesterday I was doing my regular old last minute Christmas eve grocery shopping and I couldn’t have been happier. The business, the franticness of the other customers didn’t even phase me. I was so frickin happy to be shopping for my family like a normal wife and mother that I think I was practically skipping through the store. I know it sounds silly, but gosh I have been waiting for this feeling for a long time now. I am finally allowing myself to enjoy it, now seven months after discharge from my last hospital stay.

I know I am just really heady right now but I am soaking it up. Everyone deserves this kind of peace, even if just for a moment. Who knows if everything could revert back to unholy crap. Well, maybe it could. That’s how life goes. But, for now, I will just sit here with a smile on my face and let it sink in.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone! Sending many peaceful and joyous vibes.

Dr. Katz

I’ve got to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop!

As most of you know, the majority of the last three years of my life have been just this side of hellacious and gut wrenching. I have spent the majority of it fighting for my life through two different cancers, trying to save my business so I had something to come back to, taking care of my employees, and trying to soothe my family’s concerns. All of which I have done willingly with positive attitude and fortitude.

Well now, the universe has significantly shifted. There are a ton of positive things going on. My family is doing ok. The finances are turning around. My business has survived. My daughters are getting to follow their dreams…and….I am healthy and aware enough to enjoy it! Heck even the Detroit Tigers and the Detroit Lions are winning!

There is not a day that goes by that I am not humble and super grateful for everything that is happenning and I am putting out the good mojo wherever I go. Still, there is this penetrating inner fear inside me that it may all disappear again. There is literally a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop, even though I have no indicators that it will. There is even a part of me that wonders if others are suffering in exchange for all the good luck that I seem to be getting.

Yes. I get it. Those are not healthy thoughts. Well thank goodness for the magic of an excellent astute therapist who gives it to me straight and helps me reset my ptsd thinking process. I tell here honestly about these kind of things and she looks at me and says ” Are you kidding me right now? You are wondering if you deserve these good things? You are wondering if other people are at risk of being hurt because good things are happening to you? I nod yes and then she smiles at me and goes on to tell me that the last time she checked, I have been working my ass off just to survive and help everyone else and try to save my finances and my business at the same time. I am definitely due for some good fortune. I have earned it in a way and I should not feel guilty for having it. I should just enjoy and go with the flow. It is not a logical way to think that others are potentially being punished at the expense of my good luck or positive things happening. Ok, I get it. Logically I know this but sometimes it is hard to relax and merely enjoy after all that has happened.

So, the bottom line of all of this is that I am going to keep up with the therapy. I am going to continue to work on my though process and continue to soak up the joy that I am experiencing right now and have great hope and not dread for the future. I want to be around for a long time more and fully embrace the positive turn of events. It will be ok.

Dr. Katz

I am so ready to do even more good in the world.

I have been given multiple gifts lately. I am humbled and fortunate to have survived brain cancer while breaking some records. I have returned to full functioning, besides the need for the occasional brief power nap. My memories are returning. My stamina is approaching normal levels. My business is getting back on track. All of these are such wonderful things.

Even more wonderful lately is that I have had several old acquaintances, students, etcetera reach out again for the first time in a long time. They have heard that I am healthy again and would like to get reacquainted. Some of them have stories of how they have learned from me. Some of them need my help once again. I am so blown away and honored by these remembrances. Yes 100 percent yes! Let’s reach out! Let’s reconnect! Let me help you! It would be my pleasure. I am grateful that you even thought of me. Let’s do this! I am ready to continue my outpouring of good into the world. I am ready to continue to convert my sometimes tough and traumatic experiences into good advice and support for others. I am ready!

Have an amazing and blessed day everyone!

Dr. Katz

It’s Easter

To me, first and foremost, Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus. I get it. But, also for me, there is a lot of other things to celebrate on this day too. There has been so much rebirth everywhere. From the minute details of the daffodils blooming to the emergence of myself and my husband from illness to the rejuvenation of old relationships: there is a sense of fresh start everywhere.

Second chances are everywhere, if we take advantage of them. I think this applies not only to religion, but to life in general. I have to admit, there has been so much change to take in that sometimes it’s overwhelming as well as wonderful. I am sometimes not sure how to process it all. I make sure to never let it overwhelm my sense of gratitude, but I am noticing that there is still an underlying sense of anxiety and “waiting for the other shoe to drop” again in my every day life. It seems to be affecting my whole family as well. I think it’s just normal with everything we have been through lately.

I realize that I need to make a conscious effort to keep moving forward, and to help my family move forward with me. We need to make the absolute most of and learn from these second chances. We need to focus on what gives us joy, even if it is something as small as watching my grandchildren hunt for Easter eggs or as monumental as hearing that my latest scans are clear.

So, as you gather with family and friends today to celebrate our Lord, also take time to celebrate each other and life in general. Take nothing for granted. Embrace every opportunity. Learn from each other and your own mistakes. Savor every moment.

Have a happy and blessed Easter.

Dr. Katz

“I’m in a good place, but I could be even better.”

It seems like it’s getting more and more uncommon to hear someone say that they are” in a good place” and leave it at that with no qualifiers. That statement is usually followed quickly by another describing what may still be wrong with their life, their body, their career, etc. So, do they actually mean that they “are in a good place?” What do those words mean anyway?

I think that when most people say that they are in a good place, they mean a mentally good place. At least that is what I mean when i say it. When I say I am in a good place, I am referring to a mental and emotional good place. I mean that mentally and emotionally I fall somewhere between satisfied and wrecked, more so toward the satisfied end. I mean that overall I am pleased and satisfied with how I am taking life in stride and how I process the world input around me. It means that I am not crying myself to sleep every night in a little stress ball. It means that I don’t walk around feeling like I am going to have a breakdown. It means that when I encounter stressful situations, I am able to handle them and effectively promote good change. It means that I am looking forward to the future. It means that there seem to be more good days than bad days.

What is doesn’t mean, is that everything in my life and mind is perfect and no change is required. I would still like to keep striving with my career success. I would like to be able to pay my bills without worry. I would like to summon up the courage and stamina to work more on my body and physical appearance with some consistency ( The rare workout sessions that occur now when I am able to roust myself by 5 am in my only window of time for that do not count.) I would like to be even a bit closer to the perfect mother and wife. ( So far I think I am hitting that target at least over 50% so that is something.) I would like to spend less time being modifying my behavior because I am worried about how some jerk might respond and just do what is right. I would like to have perfect balance in work and in life.

Wow, when I start going over that list out loud, it sounds kind of overwhelming doesn’t it? It sounds like literally everything is still a work in progress. But, that’s ok. Life is not supposed to be perfect. Life by definition encompasses everything around us. Flaws and imperfections will always be there and that is part of what makes life interesting. If we had nothing to fix or work on, what would keep us going? Most humans I know do not really know how to just sit and enjoy for any significant period of time anyway.

Besides that, everybody’s definition of perfection is different. Some people’s idea of perfection would be a life with all business and no emotional attachments whereas others might think perfection is a chaotic household full of kids and being a stay at home mom. From now on, I am going to refer to “perfection” in quotes, just to drive this point home. As human beings, we need goals to keep moving forward, to continue to progress in life as individuals and as a society. In order to accomplish these goals without driving ourselves crazy in the process, they need to be attainable and sustainable. We also need a baseline of healthy mental perspective to allow us to strive for these goals and attain them at our own pace without feeling like a total failure all the time. So, I guess what I am really saying is that being “in a good place” does not have to mean that everything is perfect. Otherwise, we might not ever allow ourselves to get there. Have a fantastic day folks!

Dr. Katz