Tag: peace

The next follow up scan is less than a month away. Here comes the apparently mandatory but super unpleasant and unnecessary freaking out.

Here we go again. Another scan is coming up. How many times have I done this? well, a lot. And every single time I start to notice the feeling of unecessary fear creeping up on me. Every twinge panics me. Every tingle freaks me out. Every sense of unexpected weakness scares me.

Seriously? Enough already. I know it’s nonsense. I actually know what it is and can, if I reach back really hard to life before cancer, I can recall feeling these exact same things and they were absolutely NOTHING to worry about. How I miss those days. Granted, I do pretty well most of the time now over six months out, but those close to the next scan times are tricky. Despite all the therapy in the world and all the work put into calming, I still get nervous and icky. So, I sit myself down and purge it all out by writing to all of you. Somewhere in my head I am telling myself that I can turn my feelings and strategies into some kind of validation, encouragement or hope for those of you out there that might be in the same situation. I hear you guys. This post cancer and scan ptsd stuff is real. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Make sure that you are taking a step back and allowing yourself some time to acclimate. Make sure you are taking the time you need to try to heal, no matter how long it takes. There is no set timeline. Everyone is different with different levels of strength and resilience. We will all get there, to that station of calm and peace, at least sometimes. Other times, we just have to try our best. It’s all we can do.

Dr. Katz

Sitting here quietly

Just sitting here quietly on Christmas morning, listening to my gentle music Christmas blend, snuggling with my dogs. I am taking a moment to soak it all in. It just dawned on me this is the first Christmas in like three years that I am not either waiting for a terrible health diagnosis or in between cancers. Wow! That just hit me like a soothing wave of calm, mixed with excitement and relaxation in the mundane all at the same time. Yesterday I was doing my regular old last minute Christmas eve grocery shopping and I couldn’t have been happier. The business, the franticness of the other customers didn’t even phase me. I was so frickin happy to be shopping for my family like a normal wife and mother that I think I was practically skipping through the store. I know it sounds silly, but gosh I have been waiting for this feeling for a long time now. I am finally allowing myself to enjoy it, now seven months after discharge from my last hospital stay.

I know I am just really heady right now but I am soaking it up. Everyone deserves this kind of peace, even if just for a moment. Who knows if everything could revert back to unholy crap. Well, maybe it could. That’s how life goes. But, for now, I will just sit here with a smile on my face and let it sink in.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone! Sending many peaceful and joyous vibes.

Dr. Katz

Let’s Talk Therapy

Did you know that about 50 percent, if not more, of cancer patients/warriors/survivors have some form of ptsd? Ptsd stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. Ptsd occurs when someone has experienced or witnessed a shocking, scary, terrifying, traumatic, or dangerous event. This leads them to over respond to any sort of trauma from thereafter in an often debilitating or exaggerated way and could affect the rest of their life. It is a terrible condition. Therapy is an absolute must to try to combat this condition.

As a two-time cancer patient, I can tell ya, this crap is real. It can be devastating, debilitating and down right crappy. You find yourself freaking out at the slightest twinge, expecting the worst and not even considering the best. You have a scan coming up and find yourself grabbing for the ativan just to make it through it. It can get pretty ridiculous. Logic tells you that everything will likely be fine, but it is tough to believe it because your past experiences have taught you otherwise.

Ok, it sounds awful right? Heart pounding, sweating, pulse racing, fear coursing through your veins, ibs gettin all crazy. But, here’s the good news. There really is help out there, if you are willing to pursue it. You do not have to remain a prisoner of this terrible thing. That option is therapy. I mean actual, dig deep, deal with your demons, full disclosure psychological therapy. As difficult as it is, it can help you deal with your demons and identify your triggers and develop strategies that can either help you deal with these episodes when they happen or prevent them from happening in the first place. It’s truly a possibility of all wins.

The bottom line is that if you really want to start living after fighting your toughest enemy ever, you have to deal with the leftovers. You just have to, or else the fight won’t seem worth it in the first place.

On that note, I’m off to my regularly scheduled therapy appt. Peaceful vibes and power wishes.

Dr. Katz

My Happy Place

shabby shack on the hill

peeling paint and uneven steps

huffing and puffing

dragging out chairs and umbrellas

soft sand and weeds wiggling like snakes through my toes

bird chatter and frog chorus like a natural serenade

cool clear spring water to swim in and rejuvenate

peace like I have never known

just the thought of visiting elevates my mood

and brings a smile to my face

Peace

Sitting in my favorite chair

Flames dancing in the air.

Reflecting back on my day.

Shooing any bad memories away.

Only quiet satisfaction remains

Letting go of guilt sustains.

Allows my mind to rest.

Save myself for a bigger test.