Tag: Relax

So, I just had this huge anniversary

Guys, do you realize that just over a year ago I was unconscious, in a coma, filled with brain tumor and swelling. Like, literally, gone from the world, no verbal communication, gone. That was Dec 11th 2023.

Wow! How time has passed. I cannot really say flown because believe you me, nothing has been fast. It has been hard, grueling, painful, lonely, exhausting, but not really fast per se. But, look at me now. My business survived. I retained all of my employees and made sure that their incomes were not impacted. I managed not to lose any of my equipment or my home. I have even managed to write two more books in the meantime! And, I finally managed to start paying myself some after like four years of mostly not doing it.

Sounds like all wins so far, but not gifts. These are all hard-earned achievements that took a lot of blood, sweat, tears, grit, determination, and positivity. I was not really given anything, but I didn’t expect to be either. I knew the road ahead. I had been through it before. Here’s hoping for some more lengthy time off in the future.

I have friends that are amazing and want to make sure to praise me for how far I have come. That is awesome and they are awesome. At the exact same time, I want someone to recognize me and all that I have survived and been through and throw me a big party that doesn’t involve raising money for my survival and is just for fun, I want to forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened in the first place. When I actually sit and allow myself to reflect for a minute, I go right back to the moments of fear and not knowing and wondering if I was even going to be able to get to stay on this planet at all. Those memories turn on you fast before you know it. I am never going to be upset at my friends for congratulating me. They are just trying to be the amazing people that they are. I am just admitting that it scares me at the same time. Like, what if it happens again? You know, all the fearful dready thoughts that mix in with the happy celebrations. I guess that is just the way that it is at the moment. Thank goodness for therapy on a regular basis to keep your head on straight.

The bottom line is that I will never stop being grateful for still being here and getting just to be alive. I will never stop trying to use my now functional brain for good and to help women and girls and hairy men( ya know the ones I do laser hair removal for?) everywhere and every day. I just have to realize that is also ok to sit back and take a minute if I need to pause for some memories or anxiety. It’s a normal response. I don’t have to be constantly busy and productive. I am still of use to the world even if I am not doing twenty things at once in case it’s my last chance to do so. Take it easy there Katzie, you are going to continue to be ok. It’s your time to shine now.

Dr. Katz

Suckin the Life Outta Ya

Man this cancer thing is already kind of ridiculous, and I haven’t even started treatment. From the moment I found out, I firmly positioned myself in full bad-ass stance, made long term grandiose plans and capriciously swore that nothing would hold me down or stop me from caring for other people and patients. I was cocky. I was confident. I thought that it would help me beat this thing.

So, that was like….so last two weeks. Now let me tell you about what I actually should have done or learned…lol When I first learned that I had cancer, I had people telling me everything from reminding me how I need to slow down to I could work full time with this no problem with no pauses! Well of course I gravitated toward the full throttle advice! Who wouldn’t? I didn’t cancel patients right away. I started writing my book. I started a new podcast. I recruited my army, once I finally let the cat out of the bag. I cried for about two seconds and then I was ready to go! I was not done yet! Screw you cancer! You’re not the boss of me! Sound familiar? Anyone else been there? It doesn’t last too long does it?

Here is what I should have realized and learned. The first thing to realize when you are told you have cancer is that it has been around a lot longer than you thought. You need to add a couple of years in some cases to the time of diagnosis. Whaaat?! A couple of years?! That sucker has been sneaking around in my body for a couple of years? What the hell?! What that means is by the time you are diagnosed, it has been around long enough to give you symptoms. This means that the path from feeling normal to shitty has been significantly shortened before you even get the chance to process the fact that you have cancer in the first place. How rude!

Second, I should have realized that now is the time to plan carefully, anticipate and CONSERVE energy, not burn it all up before you even start. This is the time to try to be realistic, without guilt, about what you will be able to do and not do. This is my biggest challenge. Instead of just relaxing, I spend way too much time feeling guilty on what I am missing out on and who I am letting down. I am fixated on the fact that I am dropping the ball. Ugh! I went from feeling good to crappy in about a week. Now I walk across the room or just sit and promptly get short of breath, depending on the day. I have fatigue that is so intense that it literally comes out of no where and sucks the life out of you to the point that even breathing seems like too much effort. I am told that this is common with lymphoma since it is a condition that has a lot more inflammation associated with it. Therefore, your body requires a ton of excess energy and calories to try to fight it off. It makes sense I guess. My point is, that I waste time when I feel good trying to accomplish a million things until the next time I don’t feel good. I am not good at resting. How will this benefit me? It won’t. It will only make it tougher and take me longer to get better.

Last but not least, I should have realized that I have to let people help me! They are doing it because they want to, not because I am making them. I need to stop trying to do everything myself. I need to stop confusing accepting help with some weird acknowledgement of failure or weakness. What is my problem? I still don’t know…lol All I can promise is that I will work on it, because I intend to see this thing all the way through. Wish me luck!

Dr. Katz

I can’t seem to get anything done!

My sense of time seems really off lately. And by lately, I mean the whole last 7 months or so. I have found myself having difficulty reconciling the fact that I have the appearance of more time, without actually being able to accomplish more. I keep thinking that I know that I have more time on my hands because I can’t run off and do half the things that I used to. My weekends are no longer taken up by sporting events, concerts, dinner outings, or much of anything really. That means I should be able to get all kinds of leftover crap done, doesn’t it. Yet, I find days going by lately when I feel like I didn’t really accomplish anything. How is that possible? Granted, I probably set myself up for failure with my overachieving list of goals to accomplish that significantly outpaces the number of available hours. I have to own that part. But, usually I can get at least some of it done. I spent a long time pondering this little puzzle with no helpful insights until now. I finally figured out where my thought process was going astray.

I was thinking negatively in terms of my lack of physical accomplishments and looking for concrete physical barricades to my goals. I hadn’t stopped to consider the mental barriers to productivity that we all have been suffering from lately. It really hasn’t been about the lack of time. In truth, with the lack of activities available, I have had more physical time to accomplish more things: I just haven’t wanted to and it is ok to admit it out loud. With all of the stress around me lately, I just plain old have run out of mental energy to stay productive all the time. I have run out of things that I want to clean. I have run out of ways that I want to use to fill my time. I have subconsciously made myself a pact to take a step back, relax and sometimes just be. To my surprise, I realized that this was not necessarily a bad thing! This is just me practicing self-care without realizing it. I am trying to conserve what’s left of my mental energy for when I really need it, not when I am just trying to keep constantly busy. I am trying to rejuvenate and refresh. This is ok! I have to give myself permission for this and I would suggest that you do the same. Stop finding new things to beat yourself up for. A million things do not need to be accomplished every single day. Sometimes there needs to be a day to just breathe. Pummelling ourselves with endless, impossible to finish tasks will not reset or fix the out of control tension going on in the world today. Overscheduling ourselves just to say that we are doing something is actually doing more harm than good. I think we need to relearn how to just sit every now and then. It’s only when we stop moving for a second that we can actually appreciate what we have.

Have a great day everybody!

Dr. Katz

What is it about the last weekend of vacation?

What is it about the bittersweet last weekend of vacation? I find that it seems to drive most of us crazy. Instead of soaking it up and metaphorically holding on with both hands, we begin to think forward about all the things we put on the back burner, fretting about what’s ahead. Insidiously conversations get more tense and work creeps back in before the deadline. That last bit of precious time becomes wasted. The cellphones turn back on, the computers get fired up? Why? How can we avoid it? This phenomenon is so common that even the Today Show has done segments on the end-of-vacation-blues and the Sunday Scaries.

So again I ask, how can we avoid the blues? There are some tips out there. For example, travel psychologist Scott Haas says that we need to step back and consider ourselves lucky that we got to take a vacation in the first place. Did you know that half of Americams don’t even use all their vacation days, if they even get some in the first place?

In the Personal and Social Psychology Bulletin, University of Chicago psychology fellow Amit Kumar and Cornell professor Thomas Gilovich recommend that you focus on experiential purchases rather than souvenirs while on vacation. By purchase they don’t necessarily mean spend physical money but rather the investment of time in doing something unique that gives you something with interesting details to share. You will probably have a lot more to talk about after a hiking trip in the mountains as opposed to a pendant or t shirt that you bought.

Another tip is to start planning your next trip. That doesn’t mean discount everything that you just did on vacation. It just means start making a straight forward list for your next trip to help it become a reality and something else to look forward to. There is something called the Zeigarnik Effect that refers to our tendency to remember incomplete tasks more clearly than ones we have finished. Translate that to trip planning and if you have thoroughly planned your next trip it may free your mind from the intrusive “what’s left undone” thoughts that can plague you toward the end of vacation and actually help allow you to enjoy the last few days. That can even apply to tackling your untouched email inbox without guilt while you are on the flight home so you can relax when you get there before work the next day.

USA Today suggests that you nurse that post vacation culture shock. Instead of asking yourself why am I in boring old (insert hometown here) instead of exciting ( insert exotic vacation local here), remind yourself why you moved to your hometown in the first place. Remember why you love it. Reminisce over good memories.

There are a few things you just have to get off your butt and do when you get home: unpack your bags, do your laundry and grocery shop for heaven’s sake. Those suitcases and mountains of dirty laundry will only serve as monkeys on your back and feed your longing to be somewhere else. Grocery shop for healthy food to detox your body from vacation food. It will thank you for it and leave you with more energy to face your new old schedule.

Currently I find myself facing the end of a vacation. I am following my own advice by writing of this blog as an example of finishing a to do list to free my mind to enjoy my last bit of time. I am also reminding myself how much I love my family, my animals and my memories. So far, it’s working. I hope these tips help you too. Have a fantastic day.

Dr. Katz