Anybody else getting slapped in the face with all of the things that you took for granted before? Me too! Brows gone wild is definitely high up on the list. I dream of the perfect arch, somewhere in between thoughtfully skeptical and permanent surprise, only to find myself looking like some sort of shaggy Groucho Marx…ugh. You would think that someone who can reconstruct pelvic organs ought to be able to handle a tweezer with some expertise, but nay nay my friends. It is just not so.
Let’s not forget the new trendy grey and silver caterpillar that is now snaking it’s way across my scalp. It is like my new best friend, waiting to tauntingly greet me every morning in the mirror as if to say, ” I will always be here waiting for you”….followed by an evil laugh of some kind that only I can hear. I know what you’re thinking. Dye your own damn hair. I just can’t do it. I feel like it would be some kind of unforgivable betrayal to my hairdresser. I mean. They are struggling too, right? No. I feel like it is my duty to stick it out and wait for her. Just wondering when I need to just cut it off? Do I have to wait until the gray is at least half of my hair? Enough for a bowl cut? What are the guidelines? Can I just say that I am experimenting with some kind of reverse hombre situation? Who knows?
Does anyone else miss nice looking nails? I have no particular skill in this area either, although I have finally discovered the Sally Hansen Miracle Gel and managed to apply it for the first time without screwing it up. However, the cuticle trimming and actually filing them into a consistent and respectable shape? Nope. Not so much. Cathy was more of a miracle worker than I realized at the time. Between being a doctor and being a musician, the whole beautiful nails thing is kind of doomed from the start without some extra help. I do at least keep them clean. That I can manage. Maybe I will just wear gloves even when I am not seeing patients at work. Hmm. I will definitely wait for my nail lady too.
Let’s not forget the whole lack of waxing options scenario. I would like to meet the woman that can do her own bikini wax. Yikes! I get that shaving is still available, but the process is tedious and the results are just not the same. Now fortunately, I own a laser hair removal medical spa, but the staff and I are not taking advantage out of principle! We feel like we should wait like the rest of the world so bring on the big foot vulvas for now. We can hit the ground running when the world opens back up again.
Ok, while I am on the whining path, I actually miss dental cleanings. I am a fair hand with a toothbrush, floss and mouthwash but there is nothing quite like the clean you feel after the dentist. You know what I’m sayin? I get it. NO ONE loves going to the dentist, but I think it’s one of those you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone kind of scenarios.
I get it, all of these things are incredibly minor in the grand scheme of what’s going on right now. None of the are “essential,” at least according to the government. Life can go on without them…for now. So let’s all embrace our yellow teeth, grey hair, shitty nails, groucho brows and hairy hinterlands together! Have a fantastic day wilderness girls! We can do this!