I Forgot

forgot what I was looking for

forgot who was looking for

a source of inner strength?

Secret cave of wonders?

a power source?

something I was missing?

Hold on a sec.

it’s getting a little clearer.

I don’t need anything else.

I don’t need anyone to do this for me.

I need to stop wasting time

Stop searching unnecessarily

I have what it take

I can do this.

Private Cryin

secret tear

dripping down my cheek

reflecting what’s inside

quick whoah!

Facade shield spontaneously raises

CAnt let anyone see that

have to be strong

to help others believe

to help me believe

I can get through this

My Happy Place

shabby shack on the hill

peeling paint and uneven steps

huffing and puffing

dragging out chairs and umbrellas

soft sand and weeds wiggling like snakes through my toes

bird chatter and frog chorus like a natural serenade

cool clear spring water to swim in and rejuvenate

peace like I have never known

just the thought of visiting elevates my mood

and brings a smile to my face

No Wisdom Here

Sitting in chemo today

listening to the chatter

several elderly patients

back and forth discourse and discord.

I eavesdropped a little

hoping for a glimpse of wisdom.

Sadly, wisdom is not what I heard.

anger, stubbornness, self-destruction

That’s what I heard.

“They can’t tell me to quit smoking

just because I have lung cancer.”

“I’ll do what I want!”

“I’ve lived this long haven’t I ?

Why change now?”

My heavy heart sank and filled with despair.

there was no wisdom to gain here.

Misguided thought processes with lethal implications.

The Utilitarian in me asks why they are getting treatment?

The Judge asks if it’s.fair that they are taking a spot from someone willing to listen and change?

Their perception is foreign to me.

No one is forcing then to be there.

Is gratitude an unwelcome sentiment when there is a potentially life saving option?

I sit quietly, my grateful heart appreciating my doctor’s and nurses, celebrating my half way point.