forgot what I was looking for
forgot who was looking for
a source of inner strength?
Secret cave of wonders?
a power source?
something I was missing?
Hold on a sec.
it’s getting a little clearer.
I don’t need anything else.
I don’t need anyone to do this for me.
I need to stop wasting time
Stop searching unnecessarily
I have what it take
I can do this.
dripping down my cheek
reflecting what’s inside
Facade shield spontaneously raises
CAnt let anyone see that
have to be strong
to help others believe
to help me believe
I can get through this
shabby shack on the hill
peeling paint and uneven steps
huffing and puffing
dragging out chairs and umbrellas
soft sand and weeds wiggling like snakes through my toes
bird chatter and frog chorus like a natural serenade
cool clear spring water to swim in and rejuvenate
peace like I have never known
just the thought of visiting elevates my mood
and brings a smile to my face
Sitting in chemo today
listening to the chatter
several elderly patients
back and forth discourse and discord.
I eavesdropped a little
hoping for a glimpse of wisdom.
Sadly, wisdom is not what I heard.
anger, stubbornness, self-destruction
That’s what I heard.
“They can’t tell me to quit smoking
just because I have lung cancer.”
“I’ll do what I want!”
“I’ve lived this long haven’t I ?
Why change now?”
My heavy heart sank and filled with despair.
there was no wisdom to gain here.
Misguided thought processes with lethal implications.
The Utilitarian in me asks why they are getting treatment?
The Judge asks if it’s.fair that they are taking a spot from someone willing to listen and change?
Their perception is foreign to me.
No one is forcing then to be there.
Is gratitude an unwelcome sentiment when there is a potentially life saving option?
I sit quietly, my grateful heart appreciating my doctor’s and nurses, celebrating my half way point.