Tag: chemo

No Wisdom Here

Sitting in chemo today

listening to the chatter

several elderly patients

back and forth discourse and discord.

I eavesdropped a little

hoping for a glimpse of wisdom.

Sadly, wisdom is not what I heard.

anger, stubbornness, self-destruction

That’s what I heard.

“They can’t tell me to quit smoking

just because I have lung cancer.”

“I’ll do what I want!”

“I’ve lived this long haven’t I ?

Why change now?”

My heavy heart sank and filled with despair.

there was no wisdom to gain here.

Misguided thought processes with lethal implications.

The Utilitarian in me asks why they are getting treatment?

The Judge asks if it’s.fair that they are taking a spot from someone willing to listen and change?

Their perception is foreign to me.

No one is forcing then to be there.

Is gratitude an unwelcome sentiment when there is a potentially life saving option?

I sit quietly, my grateful heart appreciating my doctor’s and nurses, celebrating my half way point.

Peace

Sitting in my favorite chair

Flames dancing in the air.

Reflecting back on my day.

Shooing any bad memories away.

Only quiet satisfaction remains

Letting go of guilt sustains.

Allows my mind to rest.

Save myself for a bigger test.

Bald IS the new sexy!

Traditionally, I would say this in reference to men…and to sell more Mr. Clean specials at the laser center! But now, I have joined the club. A healthy dose of cancer shedding, being tired of constantly sweating, a clever idea from my daughter Katy and voila! I have joined the club! Granted, it has only been an hour since we publicly shaved my head on video, jamming out to 80s tunes and then shared it. But, you know, I feel weirdly relieved and liberated. True, this could all be the result of rash, steroid and chemo-induced flight of ideas decision making. It’s possible, but I truly don’t think that’s it.( Tune in tommorow to see if I am crying over my pile of hair. I’ll own it if I do..lol)

Seriously, I feel kind of liberated. On top of that, when I ran outside to howl for a minute, the breeze felt FAN FRICKING TASTIC! YESSSSS! I kind of danced around the yard a minute and let the moon bounce off the top of my head with relish. I think it boils down to the fact that this was MY decision on My terms. This was a weirdly welcome alternative to the constant worrying about when the next clump of hair was going to come out in public somewhere. It really was. My poor husband, on the other hand, is a little bit stunned. I think, for him, this is a smack in your face, unavoidable reminder of what is going on. I have to give him a minute. I have to remind him that it will be ok……and that I’m…still…..me. Have a fantastic, freeing night!

Dr. Katz

Today’s the Day!

The day has finally arrived, after multiple snafus, fits, and stops: the first chemo treatment! Hurray?! Is that the right response? I’m just not sure. All I know is that we showed up, I have my Star Wars shirt on, my port is accessed and drugs are flowing. Look out Hodgkins! It is on!. I am literally getting chemo right now. I can feel my eye fluttering like I am getting a migraine. I can feel my heart fluttering but I think that is just nerves. Of course, my long gone reflux resurfaced almost immediately. Weirdly, my hump on my neck started hurting almost right away. Maybe that means the drugs are already doing battle with my nodes!. Yess!…but owww at the same time!..lol

So let’s talk about chemotherapy for a minute. What the hell is it? Chemotherapy or chemo is a type of cancer treatment that involves giving multi anti cancer medications through an iv or port with the idea to try to cure the patient of cancer. It can also be given to prolong a patient’s life. It can also be given to reduce symptoms. (Palliative therapy).

There are three main kinds of chemo therapy: straight chemotherapy, hormone therapy, and targeted therapy. Now straight chemo is kind of old school. It aims at DNA damage or inhibiting replication by sending intracellular poisons right into the cancer cells..and unfortunately any other rapidly dividing cells like your stomach and hair.

Hormonal therapies, on the other hand are medicine with specific genetic and molecular targets that focuses on inhibiting growth of endocrine hormones like estrogen for breast cancer and andeogens foe prostate cancer.

Targeted therapy targets a different kind of growth inhibition. Targeted therapy is drugs that inhibit growth signals by inhibiting receptor tyrosine kinase at the cell surface.

Any of these three types of therapy are truly systemic therapy for cancer. This means that they are injected into the venous system and can therefore reach cancer anywhere in the body.

Because chemo is usually considered cytotoxic, it naturally affects dividing cells. The assumption is that the cancer cells will be dividing rapidly. While this is true, other cells in your body are also dividing rapidly in your bone marrow, your hair, your digestive tract. So, that explains the nausea, vomitting, hair loss, and low white blood cells and platelets. Side effects people! Yuck! But, I gotta tell ya, I will take them if it means getting rid of the cancer. Have a great day everybody!

Dr. Katz

Bye Bye Gourmet Dinners..or…how are these mofos gonna make it without me?

Now remember, this is just for fun….

I can see it already. The countdown to chemo has started. 5 days from now I will receive my first 5 hour installment of a combination of poisons and immunotherapy. Yippee! Bring on the side effects! Let’s get this show on the road! One step closer to a cure!( I hope) Bring on the easter egg look! Now we are really getting somewhere! Finally moving in a positive direction!

It all sounds “good” doesn’t it? Just what I have been anxiously waiting for all these months with all the delays etc. Feeling weirdly nervouscited, terrified, and good about it all at once. But then, I flashed back to the conversation that my chemo nurse had with my husband at our last visit. He was trying to be funny and made a silly remark about how my the quality of dinners at our house has really elevated since I have been home so much and that at least there was one benefit of me having cancer. The nurse kind of glared at him and said, “Mister, you can kiss those gourmet meals goodbye for now because I can guarantee that she won’t have the energy to do it.” He looked kind of stunned. Literally that thought had not occurred to him until that exact moment…lol I could see his wheels spinning; No more chicken cordon bleu. No more baked ribeye with a parmesan crust. OMG! I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing. Seriously dude? Last time I checked, more than one person in our house knew how to cook. Someone else can run frantically home at lunch and throw something in the oven with the timer for later. I started to visualize the mounds of take out containers in the filthy kitchen of unwashed dishes. I started hearing the pitiful whining of human beings wasting away. Then I realized that gourmet dinners were not the only thing that was going to go the way of the dodo. OMG! I was going to have to concentrate on myself and getting rest and not taking care of everything for everybody. Oh my lord who was going to keep track of everybody’s schedules without me nagging all the time? Were they going to have to be responsible for making it to their own appointments? Find their own rides? Was my daughter going to have to finally get her long overdue driver’s license? Were the dogs ever going to be let out to go to the bathroom? Was the house just going to be awash in filth all the time? Were any bills ever going to be paid on time? Oh man! I really started snowballing. I was in charge of a lot more than I ever stopped to consider. Mind you, I had already started the family on my own version of achieve your independence boot camp, but was it going to be enough? Lol….I guess we will have to wait and see. I’ll get back to you.

Dr. Katz

Some Patients are More Fragile Than Others or, the Importance of the Healthcare Team

Doctors and health care teams listen up! I have something to say! Some patients are more fragile than others. What the hell does this mean? It means that you have to be extra careful what you say to them. It means that you have to be extra thoughtful before you speak to them. It means that you need to do your research before you open your mouth and accidentally freak them out. You as the physician are part of a team and the whole team has to communicate with each other so that everyone has the same information. The patient does not need to hear different and/or conflicting information from each source. This only leads to potential panic and confusion and makes it difficult for the patient to follow through and get the care that they need. To you it may seem like a simple oversight. To the patient, it can seem like the end of the world.

This really applies to all patients, but the group I have in mind at the moment are cancer patients. This group of patients literally has their lives in your hands. They hang on your every word. They are depending on you to help them get to the other side of their illness with an intensity that is greater than patients with other diseases. You have a direct impact on their physical AND mental health, both of which are key to their survival. Think about it for a second. Anything you say to them is regarding a disease that could kill them. You tell them if they qualify for clinical trials. You tell them what chemo or radiation they will get. You talk about costs. You have to talk to them if their cancer is not responding like you hoped. Sometimes you have to tell them they are going to die. Every word out of your mouth carries the weight of their future. One bit of discouraging news may not just mean a bad day for them. It may affect the rest of their lives. No. I am not exaggerating. It is really that important.

The bottom line is that the healthcare team has to be a cohesive, thoughtful, compassionate, comprehensive unit. Patient’s lives, mental health, and physical health depend on it.

Dr. Katz